Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
