Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
