She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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