My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
