I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize