i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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