god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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