Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
