I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
