I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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