Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
that's an acceptable place to lick
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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