Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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