I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
