The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
