I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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