the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
