don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
