it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
