I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
