lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
