I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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