I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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