I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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