there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
