Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
