yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sober January is a disaster.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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