I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
