I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
