Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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