My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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