i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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