There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
