Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
