So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
