I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
