I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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