I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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