I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
