Betty ford says i'm here all night
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
