I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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