singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize