Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
