So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
