Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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