Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
