Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Did I show you my penis last night?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
