I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
