Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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