Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
