Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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