I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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