I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
