Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
