I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
