I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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