hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
