I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
