help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
