Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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