I hate your face
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i love accidental penises.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
