So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
