i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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