11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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