where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
True strength comes from lack of pants
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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