You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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