I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
