Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
