I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
