We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
