Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize