'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
