Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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