Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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