I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
