I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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