her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
