He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
