get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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