Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
