i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
