At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
