You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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