Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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