Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
