No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
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