____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
