woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
