White coat. Heels.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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