I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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