I could have mohawked her pubes.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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