So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
