the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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