cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
