Kiss
Puke
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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