So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize