i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
