Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
