does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
