You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
