I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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